What's Your Story, Mother Goose?

Oh look, it’s irrational feelings time again. Good god, please stop happening! They are starting to piss me off!!

I think part of it is knowing I have to go to work tomorrow because I missed half of today to go to a bullshit conference.

Today is like the definition of lazy Sunday. I got up, ate breakfast, went and read for a half hour, then took a nap.  Finally got out of bed at 11ish and read some more, took a shower, got in new pjs, and am now sitting on my couch reading and searching the internet, while CJ is curled up next to me sleeping.  She’s adorable.

I’m feeling better than I was last time I actually posted.  It’s been a weird week, although I guess all weeks lately are weird.  But this one was weird for the convergence of all these friends issues that seemed to happen around the same time.  I’m glad one seems to have been resolved and I’m sorry I upset those friends.  Unfortunately, the two problems that deal with people I see in person more often haven’t gone away.  

I’m upset with M because ever since she moved up north, I rarely hear from her really, and only when I initiate conversations, and even then a lot of times I don’t hear a response.  All her family is down here, and so it’s kind of upsetting when I invite her to come do something with me, like one of these run/walks, she says “I don’t want to come down just for a run/walk” first of all, because it makes me feel like I’m not important to her anymore, and that she would be doing a lot more than the run/walk if she came down.  And second becauseI guess I thought she understood how important those were to me, but I guess she doesn’t.  It just feels like she’s dismissing these things that are important to me because I need to get healthier and I  sign up for these things to keep me motivated to go to the Y and stuff and so when she phrases it like that, it’s like she doesn’t think it’s important and that hurts.  And I wouldn’t even know what to say if I wanted to bring it up to her.  I know she’s busy up there looking for a job and wedding planning and stuff, and I don’t want to make her feel bad for not doing stuff, but it kinda sucks.  So for the moment, I’m just waiting for her to contact me first next time.  And if that doesn’t happen - well, I’ll see how I feel later.

The other thing is with some people I went to high school with, just me feeling left out because once a month they want to do something with me, but when I do, it just seems to be a constant reminder that they went to college together, made other friends that they share, and do stuff together that I’m not invited to, so it’s awkward.  That, and the sense that I feel they judge me for my interests in skateboarding and snowboarding.  But one of them was over last night for the Doctor Who marathon, along with one of the girls they met in college and I’ve met a few times, and it was just kind of awkward and I was relieved when they left, it appears to go meet other people and go out for the night, but whatever.  Supposedly the two from hs and I are supposed to have a knitting/potluck thing at my apartment this month - we’ll see if they get back to me to plan it out.  *shrugs*  I’m just going to try not to think about it too much.  

And now I’m going to go back to my book.  Hope everyone’s doing alright.